Corporate culture. Communication

Communication

What we say and how we say it is a reflection of our thoughts and feelings. Often this is our reaction to what is happening to us expressed in the form of spoken or written words. Sometimes words fly out of our mouths unchecked and inflict unpleasant wounds on those with whom we are speaking. I have always been interested in the issue of how to speak concisely and to the point and communicate just the right amount of emotion for a specific situation. Through self-observation and an enormous number of bumps and bruises incurred in my ever-continuing quest, I have managed to formulate a few principles of communication. I purposefully avoid separating business communication from social/personal communication as I believe that ultimately they both come down to the same principles. 

Should I react? 

Opening one’s mouth and saying something is one of the most simple and widespread reactions in human communication. It is a means to express emotions such as excitement, happiness, annoyance, anger etc. 

More often than not, a reaction occurs instantaneously. Slightly less often, people keep their impressions about an event to themselves and talk about it sometime later. Even less often, an event excites a person to such an extent that he/she continues to speak about it for several days, weeks or months. In this regard, I find instantaneous reactions the most troubling. At times, we regret such reactions, and, afterwards, we realize that they were ineffectual, excessive, hasty, and influenced by our emotions. 

I have formulated the following principle for myself: do not react right now. 

This does not mean setting an issue aside and reacting later. Storing up emotions inside (especially negative ones) is a pointless and tiresome exercise. You simply have to give your brain an opportunity to process new information. As a rule, people base their reactions on impressions formed through sensory information (sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste). It might also be noted that so-called “first impressions” sometimes differ greatly from second or third impressions. Moreover, they can contrast even more sharply with your intuitional perception of a situation by simply not giving it time to be “heard.” 

A simple example of this is a situation in which someone steps on your toe. Reactions vary: some people become quite indignant knitting their brows in discontent. They try to smile graciously and say, “don’t worry about it,” but if you step on their toe a second time, every trace of their gracious smiles will disappear. 

If you are attentive and remain aware of what is happening with and around you: 

a) you may avoid being bumped into. 

b) you will know the reason why a person may have simply lost his/her balance and stepped on your toe without meaning to do so. 

c) you will understand that you are the only person responsible for your reactions and the consequences that follow. 

This principle works the same way in more complex situations such as problem resolution in the workplace, personnel management, or negotiations. A response to an issue, emotion, or a particular objection, whether in regard to form or substance, may be substituted for a reaction. This will give your intellect, cognition and intuition an opportunity to coalesce and, only then, either verbalize a response or simply conclude that there is really no need to say anything in a given situation. 

A response will be entirely different from an automatic reaction to an irritating factor. 

Additionally, any reaction wastes time that could be better spent, in part, observing and collecting more information about a situation. 

Remember your goal. 

Any task that I undertake has an goal, and communication is only one of the tools I use to reach this goal. The goal always remains paramount and cannot be compromised because communication issues or reactions. Therefore, the next principle is understanding the goal. When we react, we often forget why we began a discussion on a project or problem in the first place. What value does this goal have if we forget it so easily? Isn’t there at least some small element of personal responsibility in this? 

Hear and listen. 

Hearing is simply a physiological function and capability, whereas the ability to listen is an important skill which is extraordinarily beneficial in communication. If you truly listen to your partner in conversation, in that moment, you will have no outside thoughts in your head as you are directing your attention to what that person is saying. Hearing is a momentary phenomenon whereas listening is a process involving your intellect, emotions and feelings. This is a different level of reading your interlocutor which allows you to gain much more information and give accurate responses. The inability to listen is a global communication problem. Listening becomes impossible, in part, because of split-second emotional or spoken reactions. 

Simply try to differentiate between each sound a person is saying in conversation, and you will hear and remember many more important “trivial matters” which will, in turn, form your understanding of a situation.

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